On the first day of authorhood, my ego said to me, “Why don’t you write your first novel?”
On the second day of authorhood, my children said to me, “When will you be J.K. Rowlings?”
On the third day of authorhood, my ego said to me, “Designing a website will be easy.”
On the fourth day of authorhood, my barista said to me, “I take great photos, want to see?”
On the fifth day of authorhood, my ego said to me, “STILL DON’T HAVE A STORY!!”
On the sixth day of authorhood, my ego said to me, “You can write it all off on taxes.”
On the seventh day of authorhood, my neighbour found for me, a graphic designer (aged 10)
On the eighth day of authorhood, my editor gave to me: eight other editors’ names -and a bill.
On the ninth day of authorhood, my ego said to me, “Now, traditional or self-publishing?”
On the tenth day of authorhood, my ego said to me, “Probably should buy ten ISBNs”
On the eleventh day of authorhood, my husband said to me, “When will you start making money?!”
On the twelfth day of authorhood my ego realized: it forgot to write the #@!* book!
So to recap:
Twelve forgotten story lines
Eleven empty bank accounts
Ten unnecessary ISBNs
Nine pre-ordered book copies (Thanks, Mum)
Eight unreturned phone calls from editors
Seven Star Wars-like cover designs (For a novel about homesickness? Seriously?)
Six folders of tax receipts
FIVE NON-EXISTANT PLOTS!
Four awful headshots
Three abandoned websites
Two disappointed kids
And a deflated author ego…
Happy Holidays, Writers!